Good
news? Everyone is saying so . . . But, really? Actually, it looks like it is true. There is great news that scapegoats
must celebrate! And the great news is
that we possess some incredibly wonderful and powerful qualities. The very qualities that landed us in the
position of scapegoat are actually really amazing! And here they are:
Drumroll,
please!
If
you are a scapegoat, you are most likely a . . .
TRUTH
TELLER
Loud
applause! Hurray! A truth teller? That is what I have always wanted to be! And I am!
I am a truth seeker and a truth teller, and I am that with myself
. . . which is a big win for my husband and children! Confetti, please! Yay for us, the truth
tellers!
If
you are a scapegoat, you are most likely . . .
STRONG
And
the crowd goes wild! Yes! We’ve gotta own this one. We need to know how this applies to us, ‘cause
if you are like me, you sure don’t feel very strong. So where is our strength? Well, did we ever give up on truth? I got lots of verbal but- kickings, but I
stood up for truth over and over. It
never even occurred to me to give up on it.
And, look where I am now. I am
here! seeking truth, looking for ways out, ways forward, freedom, health for
myself and my family. If that is not
strength, what is! We are determined and
strong! Hurray us!
If
you are a scapegoat, you are likely . . .
SENSITIVE
Beautiful
fireworks explode in the sky! Yes,
sensitivity is good! . . . But
this one is a hard one because we have been shamed so much for it. For me, it went something like, “everyone
walks on eggshells because of you!”--really?
you all are walking on eggshells because of a nine year old? Hmm . . . someone has big issues and it’s not
the nine year old! Nonetheless,
sensitivity was dangerous to the system and had to be cast in an evil light.
So
. . . the message was that being sensitive, having feelings at all, really, is
a problem. Not being able to “get over”
those feelings is absolute evidence of a bad heart (You have resentment . . .
How unchristian!). And above all, don’t
you dare talk about those feelings.
(See The Wacky Rules of a Codependent System)
But
now we know better! We know that in the
world of “thriving” people, sensitivity and feelings are welcomed! Hurray!
Our
sensitivity is like an inborn alarm system that alerts us that something might
be amiss. In the dysfunctional family,
something is, indeed, very much amiss.
As an adult, I have found that sometimes my inner alarm rings unnecessarily,
that deep wounds make my alarm system over active, even with safe, genuine, and
loving people. So I spend a lot of time
trying to discern whether my alarm is serving me or just keeping me
unnecessarily on high alert—a difficult way to live to be honest. BUT, I am certain that in its original form,
my sensitivity was there to protect me and let me know that what was being done
in my home was not okay. As a child, the
alarm that kept ringing , “This isn’t right!,” was right on!
There
is more to celebrate about sensitivity. Usually our sensitivity extends beyond ourselves
to others. Because we are sensitive, we
care about others’ experiences and their feelings, too. Our sensitivity exists because we care
about and want justice and kindness and truth everywhere—in the lives of
others, as well as in our own lives. That
is absolutely something to celebrate!
And
by the way, being a scapegoat who is sensitive means you are less likely to
need therapy to help you get in touch with your feelings or discover that you
have them at all. We scapegoats have got
that one down! Hip hip, Hurray!
I
have learned about these qualities through the many wonderful blogs and
articles online, and I am grateful! There are other qualities to be celebrated as
well. These happen to the three that
resonate most with me. I think
celebrating these qualities is a beautiful place to begin “uncovering my true identity.” May all scapegoats find the value and beauty
in who they are and Celebrate!
Here Gail Meyers talks about more "good news" for scapegoats: http://echorecovery.blogspot.com/2013/08/narcissistic-mother-scapegoat.html
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